How best to describe it? I have a young relationship (not sure what kind of relationship it is... which is part of what makes it so incredibly special) with someone and she's very important to me and a couple nights ago I think I had a psychotic episode wherein I panicked because I hadn't been hearing from her quite so often as usual. I was talking about the incident with my mother and she said something along the lines of... whatever you do... don't be needy. And I said... it's one of the most puzzling characteristics of my life that there are several behaviors everyone knows I should avoid like neediness and codependency and insecurity and yet in all of these I have been blessed with unrivaled proficiency. What useless gifts.
But I maintain... one mistake ought not be too harmful so long as I learn from it and do better... so the next day I determined to do better and not only that but to measure my progress with the implementation of an equanimity meter which amounts to a scale from 1 to 10 designed to register how satisfied I am with life on any given day.
Today has been a perfect 10! Messages from my young lady of interest are back to their normal prolificacy and the Jets miraculously won in the last 40 seconds of their game (for the third week in a row) and my blood pressure is down and I used the exercise bike at the Y for 40 minutes and it's snowing and I just ate a yummy pizza... and I have procured my turkey for Thanksgiving... for the kittens... of course.
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