Prelapsarian Peregrinations

I've made it three days (and 6.5 hours) without gambling and doing well.  Life does not suck... which almost puzzles me.  I should wake up sick each day about how much money I wasted so recently... but the pitiful actuality is that I've done this so many times I'm nearly immune to it.  Desensitized. 

When I was attending MTSU I bought a beautiful Bible with the Scofield Study System published by Oxford.  Even though I'm a skeptic of religion, I wanted a superior text with which to do my research.  I knew I would be marking it up with notes and underlining and so I commenced a search for a pen that would serve this purpose effectually.  What I found was the uni-ball gel pen and I've been using them fanatically ever since... about twelve years now.  I use them for everything.  I don't even want to make a bank deposit unless I have one with me.  I don't want to use the pen they provide with my check at a restaurant or barista... I want to use my pen.  It just flows smoother... and my handwriting comes out more confident.  Anyway on Sunday... less than one day into my current effort at gambling abstinence... while I walked around the poker room half monitoring customers who might need more chips and half monitoring the demolition of my NY Jets at the hands of their hated rivals, the Patriots, as it was broadcast on five flat screen televisions, the cap to my pen snapped off... Only I didn't realize it for a few moments and by the time I discovered the caplessness of said pen... I didn't know where I might have been when the decapitation occurred... so I retraced my steps.  This is by no means the first time this has happened... and I liken it to the sensation you might endure if you were to show up at work one day and suddenly realize you were naked.  Very disconcerting and it's hard to concentrate  on anything work-related until your personal dilemma is resolved.  Well.. a few minutes later when I'd almost given up I did spot the cap laying unharmed near table 4 Seat 6 at the front of the room... And relieved at its reunion with pen I realized that indeed... my life would continue and there would be happiness once more.  That's all it took.

And I'm demonstrating greater self-control with my dieting... Saying things to myself like... on my next break I'm only going to eat one banana and one other fruit... and then following through on it... to the letter.  This is unusual to me.  I lost three pounds in three days... that was before last night when I accidentally ate a banana with peanut butter, two waffles, half a can of Blue Diamond BBQ roasted almonds, and a bowl of pears just minutes before going to bed.  But still.. in general... doing better... like yesterday at my favorite restaurant... Chili Thai... I ate half of my dinner and boxed up the other half for later.  How difficult is that to do when you're eating something delicious?  For me it's a challenge.

And I'm doing housework each day... it's so easy for me to say I'm going to wash dishes or vacume or clean the sink... but when I actually follow through... I become ridiculously proud of myself.

But most importantly... I've been writing in my novel frequently... not a lot... but often.  The working title is Lilith's Lament, but a repetitious tendency in the writing has occurred to me.  Near the beginning a character named Lance is relating to a young student named Ryan the events that occurred in Eden before the creation of Adam and Eve.  One thing that happens is that Lucifer is banished for a while and with there being nothing much better to do... he goes walking across the face of the Earth and back.  Then after Adam is created Lucifer and Gabriel go searching for him... so I felt compelled to decorate their search with dialogue.  Then they found him and are escorting him back to Eden... and once more I must relate what they talk about on the way... but to interrupt the monotony... I decide to have the present day narrators... Lance and Ryan... consider how late it is getting... so Lance offers to accompany Ryan on the way back to his neighborhood... ughh... more walking!  Anyway... that's when I jokingly came up with a new title for my novel... Prelapsarian Peregrinations.  Wich means walking on foot before the fall of mankind.