Guarding the Edge of Your Relationship

Raised in a strict Seventh Day Adventist home we knew Sabbath began Friday at sundown and ended on Saturday at sundown.  We couldn't do a lot of things we wanted to do on Sabbath.  We  couldn't play or pretend or make-believe unless we did so in such a way as to glorify God. 

It was okay to play church, but not okay to play wild west.

And we could not watch TV. 

Sometimes we felt a yearning for Sabbath to be over.  We couldn't wait.  The church bulletin would print the exact time of sundown, but maybe we had misplaced the bulletin or maybe no one had a watch handy so we would look at the horizon and try to determine if it was okay to stop glorifying God yet.  And then if it seemed close to sundown we would request permission from our nearest parent to commence non-Sabbath activities.

And our father admonished us that we should guard the edges of the Sabbath.  He may have collected that phrase from the prolific writings of Ellen G. White or Sister White as she is sometimes called.  But the gist and philosophy of the phrase is that it's better to prolong the Sabbath than to truncate it.

All somewhat irrelevant to me now as I'm a devout agnostic or a devout atheist depending on how high or low my blood sugar is running.

But today I found myself contemplating the way in which it may be important to guard the edge of a relationship and I'm talking  about the way in which you conduct yourself when your significant other is not around. 

My best friend is a girl and when we met she was married.  This story occurred when we worked together but before we became great friends.  It was New Year's Eve 2007 and as is our custom in the casino business we all congregated after work at another casino.  I had recently changed my voicemail greeting on my phone to something hilarious and was having friends and coworkers call my number so they could listen and get a good chuckle.... but not this girl.  When I told her what number to call she declined... because... she explained... if she called my number, I would have her number... and she was married... and she just wasn't comfortable with that.

That's how you guard the edge of a relationship.  Just abstaining from sexual intercourse is not enough... in my opinion.  You have to respect the other person... you have to respect your relationship together.  And it's better to respect it even more than what the normal standard calls for... better to respect it too much than not enough.

An Atheistic Interpretation of Our Lord

Maybe the reason Jesus cautioned his followers to "Judge not lest ye be judged" is because he sensed they might one day be tempted to condemn gays and lesbians instead of welcoming them and loving them.

Maybe the reason Jesus counseled his followers, "Don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them" is because he recognized that without this guidance, they might one day try to force the children of unbelievers to participate in public school prayer.

Maybe the reason Jesus said to love your enemies and to do good to them that hate you is because he realized without this philosophy, Christians might one day wage war against Muslims.

Maybe, and I'm just spit balling here, maybe the reason Jesus asked his followers to "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's" is because he knew that without that advice they might eventually wade into politics and fuck everything up.

A Princess True

Traditionally a princess is a female born legitimately to a king and she usually has a decent chance of marrying a king when she grows up and ultimately becoming a queen.

Contemporarily the word princess connotes how special and adorable we find a young girl to be.  She may be lavishly spoiled with attention and anything else she desires until she becomes so accustomed to royal treatment that she will one day incorporate the word "princess" into her e-mail address or various usernames or vanity plates, etc.  And eventually her peers may refer to her as a princess as well though, unfortunately, in a less flattering tone.

Personally, I think a princess is a pretty girl who transcends the temptation to manipulate the world with her physical beauty.  Instead she does what she can to brighten our lugubrious reality with her kindness; infecting us with irrepressible joy and happiness... so focused on loving others, she rarely spares a moment to wonder or worry if she is herself loved...

But she is.  She is loved and she is a princess true.

This is something that would happen if it happened

My girlfriend asked me how long do I want to live and I said 121 and she asked why I wanted to live that long and I said because I want to break the world record and she asked what I was going to be doing with all that time and I said I was going to be breaking the world record and she said, "No, I mean how are you going to preoccupy yourself between now and then?" And I said, oh, I don't know. And she told me to make a bucket list so I sat down and after a while she asked, "So what's on your list?" And I said, "Only one thing." And she asked me what I wrote so I read it to her, "Before I die I want to make a bucket list." And she said, "You just did make a bucket list." And I said, I know. And she said so now you've done the only thing you want to do before you die. And I said I know. And she said so now you have absolutely nothing to do for the next 78 years. And I said I know. And she said that's depressing. And I said I know. So she sent me to a shrink. And he asked me if I drink and I said, "I don't know, what are you serving?" And he said, "no, I mean as a question of lifestyle, do you drink?" And I said "oh, I don't know, I guess so.... socially.. you know, if there's no one else around." And he said I have accountability issues and I said, "yes, I do, I know, but it's genetic, so not my fault really, is it?" And then he said I'm in denial and I said, Ummmm.... no I'm not.

Fifty Shades of Gray Area

Today I was working on a reaffirmation exercise in which I congratulate myself for things I don't do and have never done... like never having a cavity or never breaking a bone or never smoking or cheating...

What do I mean when I say I've never cheated?  I'm talking about relationships... I've never cheated on a girlfriend... Never slept with or even kissed a girl outside of the relationship I'm in...

But then I thought... have I been an accomplice to cheating?  What about spending time with a girl who's in a relationship with another guy... even if I don't sleep with her or kiss her... but I seduce her with words and smiles and strategic "incidental" contact? 

That's when I realized that cheating is really very complicated.  I don't think any of us can say exactly when cheating begins.  Exactly what it is. Let's say cheating is when you do anything you wouldn't be comfortable doing if your significant other were watching... but then that rules out vomiting for me.

There's an element of betrayal but that could be different for different people.  I've dated girls who feel betrayed if you happen to notice the number of eyes another girl has on her face.  But I hope I've reached a point in my life where I will avoid dating any more girls who are pathologically insecure... girls who are almost desperate for an excuse to accuse you of infidelity so as to reinforce their conviction that they are not pretty or what-the-hell-ever.


I don't have any groundbreaking insight... it's just on my mind.  Being an accomplice to cheating is pretty bad BUT in my opinion not nearly as bad as doing the cheating yourself.

And cheating is when you do something with someone else and you know it would hurt your partner if they knew and you know it would hurt you if it happened the other way around.

Are these reasonable opinions?  How would you modify them?

Gambling is a Strange Addiction

Ordinarily the negative aspects of an addiction are apparent.  Alcoholism and drug abuse and nicotine all do obvious harm to your health.  The thing that makes gambling tricky in a unique way is that sometimes you win.

In my case I've been winning a lot.  Fifty times in a row to be specific.  And while I realize it cannot last... psychologically I feel unbeatable.

Literary Top 39 Books

These are my favorite books in countdown format.  I cannot call them my top 40 because there are only 39 that I really love but I’m open to suggestions if your favorite book is not listed, perhaps you can help me find that 40^th one to complete the list.

39.       Namesake

38.       Paradise Lost

37.       Catcher in the Rye

36.       Winter of Our Discontent

35.       Skystone

34.       A Confederacy of Dunces

33.       Plainsong

32.       Great Expectations

31.       The Robe

30.       Sister Carrie

29.       TheGreat Brain

28.       The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

27.       The Liberation of Lord Byron Jones

26.       The Da Vinci Code

25.       Cry, the Beloved Country

24.       Grapes of Wrath

23.       Braveheart

22.       The Wolf King

21.       Watershed Down

20.       Fountainhead

19.       Flowers for Algernon

18.       All the King’s Men

17.       TheBrothers K

16.       As I Lay Dying

15.       The Crucible

14.       LittleShepherd of Kingdom Come

13.       Magnificent Ambersons

12.       Of Human Bondage

11.       All the Pretty Horses

10.       Ender’s Game

 9.        Destiny                             

 8.        Hunger Games

 7.        Jude the Obscure

 5.        The Little Prince

 4.        Game of Thrones

 3.        Wicked

 2.        To Kill a Mockingbird

 1.        Adam and Eve ~ Though he Knew Better