153 Days

In November I wrote a blog about my determination to quit gambling. That was 153 day ago which breaks my old record (set last summer) for abstinence by one day! Economically I have benefitted immensely from putting my money into my checking accounts instead of into the bottomless pit of my habit.

But it would be dishonest of me to say I'm out of the woods. In fact breaking this record may be the single most motivating factor to my achievement. I know at any given moment that I can set a new mark. The first very successful effort was when I was dating my last girlfriend. When she found out how serious my addiction is, she cried, and because I so much wanted to make her happy, I managed to stay away from casinos for 86 days and could possibly have extended that quite a lot if our relationship had not imploded and subsequently launched me into escape mode. Then the next year, much more for myself and in an effort to improve my life (with the help of some incredible encouragement from my friend Alyssa) I set the mark at 142 days.

So my best efforts at breaking the habit look like this:

2006 86 days
2007 142 days
2008 152 days
2009 153 days

Which to look at, causes me a great deal of pride because I know so many people that suffer from the same affliction and they can't really go a week without it, nor do they very often bother to try.

It's not the same as breaking the habit. Let me not fool myself on that point, but what makes me happy is to see an indication here of something quite like self~discipline.

I believe a person's character has to change in order to really conquer gambling and I'm not much closer to this than I was 153 days ago. But I am richer.

My Pathetic Fantasy

I seem to remember reading a comic book once about a couple guys who survived a nuclear apocalypse by confining themselves to an underground shelter with about a dozen gorgeous babes. How convenient, I thought, while rolling my eyes.

But my imagination isn't much better. Not much more sophisticated, I'm afraid. It's occurred to me recently that there's a 20 year class reunion coming up not long from now. Forever I've assumed I would skip it, but now that it's on the horizon, I'm having the most pathetic daydreams of how I will impress everyone I went to high school with.

Oh I will show them how much they underestimated me! That's why I'll be doing pushups today and running a few miles... you know so that I can finally add the 15 pounds of muscle I've been anticipating since I was eight years old.

Oh and I'm finally going to get published. Yeah... I just figured it out in a lovely moment's epiphany... see... I'll write something every day... Just anything. I'm sure it will be great stuff and ummm... everyone that went to Madison Academy in the late 80's will read every word and have nothing else to talk about at the reunion.

And about the wet dream that will be holding my arm... wait... maybe there should be two wet dreams... one on each arm... well I could easily hire a couple escorts with all the money I'll be making from my breakthrough writings. And I'll hire them a few days prior to the big event so I can coach them on how to appear as though they've known me and loved me for several months already.

I might have to create a band so that everyone will be looking for me and then suddenly realize I'm the lead vocalist in the night's entertainment. . . performing all my favorite songs that, coincidentally, will suddenly be everyone else's favorite songs too!

Then there's that one special girl that rejected me. Ummm... I need her husband to be especially boring that night... maybe he can get drunk and throw up on himself. That would be so thoughtful of him. Hmmm... how ethical would it be to lace his beverages with ascerbic acids?

And of course I can just rent the Ferrari. That's the easy part.

God in Heaven, it takes a long time to grow up.

A Treatise on Kindness

Recently I opened my journal to write about the kindest people I know. I sat there brainstorming a for a while. I thought of my older brother. He's always been capable of remarkable selflessness. I have seen him command immense popularity by showing interest in the least popular of the people he meets. I think of my mother who relentlessly instilled in her children the habit of thinking of others. There was no greater transgression than that of being inconsiderate. Whenever she found us feeling sorry for ourselves she would say the best way to feel better is to find someone else who is unhappy and do something to cheer them up. This was a lesson that took me many many years to learn and even now too many days and weeks go by at a time without me pondering it as much as I should, but I thank my mother for teaching us this divine wisdom even if I was slow to grasp it. I think of Con Arnold, a friend of our family that passed away a few years ago. When my mother had to move to a new house in 1996, while her husband was incarcerated, it was a monumental task, but out of nowhere Con showed up with nearly a dozen fellows from our church and several trucks and the moving was finished almost quicker than you could blink. And he was that way with everyone. Always working behind the scenes to help people out in an almost magical way without ever the least interest in taking credit for anything. I think of Marianne where I've worked for nearly six years now. When I was still a very new employee, she was the first person to talk to me and ask me about myself. I'll never forget the gratitude that swept over me as I felt like a real person instead of just the newest idiot that didn't know what he was doing. And often I've tried to follow her example with many of the several hundred new workers that have been hired since then.

When measuring kindness, it seems to me there are about four different classifications. There is the kindness you show your dearest friends. This variety I practically dismiss because it's so basic and natural. But the other three intigue me.

The kindness you show to people you know but are not close to. The next time you hear someone at work talking about their father being sick or their sister getting divorced, try this. Ask for names. Find out their father's name or their sister's name. Then the next time you see them ask about their loved ones by name. It can really amaze people. If you say "Did Laura get the information she needed from her lawyer?" it will make them feel as though you have really taken a genuine interest. You will have automatically separated yourself from all the uncaring masses of people that otherwise surround us.

The kindness you show to people you really don't know. One time my former fiancee and I had just arrived in the parking lot of a shopping mall and a foreign man approached us asking for directions. We knew the street he was talking about, but when we tried to advise him how to get there, it was obvious he was becoming hopelessly confused. We decided to go there ourselves with him following in his car behind us. It only took maybe 25 minutes of our day, but it made us feel like angels to have helped someone out that we didn't know. I'm sorry to say that's nearly the last example I can think of for having done something like that, and it was just about five years ago so I really need to brush up on such things.

Then there is the kindness you show to people you can't stand. This one gets a little biblical and I advise caution with this one. I used to think it was a great experiment to make a project out of someone you dislike intensely and to see what positive effect you can have on them by being very nice. The problem is you might still despise them anyway and when you eventually cease your experiment, it kind of makes you look flaky and disingenuous.

Maybe you've noticed this too, that even the kindest people can get pissed off sometimes. I guess I don't really know anyone who's a perfect saint. But you never know when someone might be sitting down to write in their journal and brainstorming about the kindest people they know... how would you like to be on their list?