I seem to remember reading a comic book once about a couple guys who survived a nuclear apocalypse by confining themselves to an underground shelter with about a dozen gorgeous babes. How convenient, I thought, while rolling my eyes.
But my imagination isn't much better. Not much more sophisticated, I'm afraid. It's occurred to me recently that there's a 20 year class reunion coming up not long from now. Forever I've assumed I would skip it, but now that it's on the horizon, I'm having the most pathetic daydreams of how I will impress everyone I went to high school with.
Oh I will show them how much they underestimated me! That's why I'll be doing pushups today and running a few miles... you know so that I can finally add the 15 pounds of muscle I've been anticipating since I was eight years old.
Oh and I'm finally going to get published. Yeah... I just figured it out in a lovely moment's epiphany... see... I'll write something every day... Just anything. I'm sure it will be great stuff and ummm... everyone that went to Madison Academy in the late 80's will read every word and have nothing else to talk about at the reunion.
And about the wet dream that will be holding my arm... wait... maybe there should be two wet dreams... one on each arm... well I could easily hire a couple escorts with all the money I'll be making from my breakthrough writings. And I'll hire them a few days prior to the big event so I can coach them on how to appear as though they've known me and loved me for several months already.
I might have to create a band so that everyone will be looking for me and then suddenly realize I'm the lead vocalist in the night's entertainment. . . performing all my favorite songs that, coincidentally, will suddenly be everyone else's favorite songs too!
Then there's that one special girl that rejected me. Ummm... I need her husband to be especially boring that night... maybe he can get drunk and throw up on himself. That would be so thoughtful of him. Hmmm... how ethical would it be to lace his beverages with ascerbic acids?
And of course I can just rent the Ferrari. That's the easy part.
God in Heaven, it takes a long time to grow up.
