My Completely Original Ten Commandments

I.
Thou shalt not be lazy, for while there is no devil, idle hands are yet the devil's workshop.

II.
Thou shalt not abuse, either physically or sexually, any innocent living thing.

III.
There shall be no war.

IV.
There shall be no death penalty. The severest crimes shall be punished with perpetual imprisonment upon an island inhabited and governed by others who demonstrate a psychotic disregard for their fellow man.

V.
Thou shalt not touch another person's car.

VI.
Thou shalt not drive in excess of 16,000 cubits per hour (40mph).

• Thereby compelling people to live closer to work.
• And closer to their families.
• Thus reducing gas consumption.
• Also reducing vehicular accidents.

VII.
Thou shalt not make, distribute, purchase, possess, or consume alcohol, for though I am a liberal maker of commandments, I cannot reconcile the harmful effects of alcohol with the idealistic value we rightfully place upon freedom.

VIII.
Thou shalt not sleep with anyone unless you are in love with that person.

IX.
Thou shalt read at least three books per year (comic books don't count) beginning with How To Win Friends and Influence People and The Little Prince.

X.
Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.