I had been dating Carolyn for only a few months and we were looking forward to seeing the new WWII film, Windtalkers. I thought she would enjoy the experience more fully if she had a better understanding of the historical context and so I casually engaged her in conversation. Her questions revealed some disconcerting defects in her education; If there was a WWII why wasn't there a WWI? And was there a WWIII? For some reason I wanted her to share my passionate fascination with history, but realized that just telling her everything I know would be pointless. Too much information too quickly and without enough appeal. My idea was to rent a couple of videos that could make the two world wars come alive for her... maybe Legends of the Fall followed by Pearl Harbor, but then I remembered watching Winds of War the mini~series in the early 80's and I thought that would be perfectly informative while sufficiently dramatic and entertaining. Carolyn pointed out the one thing she did know about WWII was that General MacArthur was a key figure. This she was acquainted with from childhood inasmuch as she grew up in the Philippines where he is still considered a hero. So we agreed to watch the movie about his exploits starring Gregory Peck and then I felt our movie marathon wouldn't be complete without John Wayne's Sands of Iwo Jima. So much of what I had learned about the world around me I have learned from watching movies, I wanted Carolyn to have this same appreciation. The more you know about your world, I reasoned, the greater capacity you gain for loving it.
But it spun out of control. I became obsessed with my movie project. It wasn't enough to see a few films about two specific wars. I wanted her to see movies about my favorite, the American Civil War, but how helpful would that be if she didn't know anything about the American Revolution? And I began quizzing her; What is another name for The War Between the States? What is another name for The War of Independence? And on and on.
I had to include The Crucible because it depicts colonial America so well and also Last of the Mohicans because it's the only significant movie addressing the French and Indian War. These two boasted the advantage of being significant to literature as well! And what about European history? I added The Messenger to the project so she would know about Joan of Arc and Shakespeare in Love and then I began hunting for movies about Henry VIII and Elizabeth.
I was just warming up. By God, why not go all the way back to the beginning? I had her watch John Huston's epic film, The Bible which starts with Adam and Eve and ends with George C. Scott playing an almost demented Abraham. Augmenting the biblical aspects of the project, I began searching online for good movies about Joseph and Samson and David and Jesus.
At first I was happy to rent these movies but soon it occurred to me we might have kids one day and this project would benefit them as well, so I began to collect the films and VHS wouldn't be around forever so I converted to DVD's. I was so focused on this project that my eagerness became problematic. I was virtually begging Carolyn to watch whatever the next film in the project might be and sometimes it got on her nerves. I resorted occasionally to bargaining with her. I would go to the mall with her only if she would agree to watch a movie with me when we got home. I would always have the next one cued up in the DVD player and and I wouldn't tell her which one it was either. My opinion being that the best way to enjoy a movie is for all its suspense to be fanatically protected and that included not knowing what the movie was about beforehand. Sometimes she would tease me that I couldn't ever break up with her because then there would be no more film project. And what's interesting is that this really was a concern for me. But we did break up and I went right on compiling this list of movies and researching them and arranging them in just the right order even though there was no longer anyone for me to edify and enlighten.
And I'm still working on it today with a list 14 pages long and a DVD collection in the neighborhood of 900 movies beginning with One Million Years B.C. and ending with the Star Trek films. Currently I'm perfecting the Westerns which are particularly tricky to place so while I'm watching them I'm on a vigilant lookout for newspaper headlines or telegraphs which might allow a glimpse of a date. Otherwise I must resort to analyzing what kinds of pistols they're using or researching what year such and such a western town first gained railroad accessibility. Recently I watched Jubal in which a cowboy is worried about his Sears and Roebuck fiddle and because Sears didn't add Roebuck until 1893 I felt this was a good clue, but the characters kept referring to Wyoming as a territory which puzzled me because they became a state in 1890. Now, I ask you, who else in this world do you think has ever struggled with this contradiction? Clearly this cowboy could not have guessed in 1889 that four years later Sears would be come Sears and Roebuck, but why in 1893 would people still be referring to Wyoming as a territory?
So this is my Cinementalic Disorder. Just as a dentist cannot look at a smile without analyzing how it could be orthodontically corrected, likewise I cannot watch a movie without deconstructing it for a chronological setting. Avatar, for example, takes place in August of 2154. See what I mean?
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
Solar Powered Theism
It's the chicken egg thing with a decidedly blasphemous twist: Did God create man or did man create God? One reason I cannot believe in the God formerly inculcated upon me is that I have discovered the conspicuously unmagical wizard behind the curtain. Which is to say once you understand the origin of God, you can pretty much eliminate him from your candidates for Godness.
And here's where God came from.
Long ago when mankind was in its earliest stages and was embarrassingly dumb by modern standards, there was such a thing as ignorance. He didn't know why summer turned gradually to winter, but when it did... warmth vaporized into horrific cold. Freezing temperatures not only reduced his comfort, but also brought a recess to the growth of crops... winter chased away whatever meat he might have hunted whether lost to migration or hybernation. And he didn't know why day turned to night, but when it did his vision was debilitated until dawn. The sun meant warmth and light and growth and food and health. The absence of the sun meant shivering and darkness and weakness and hunger and sickness and death.
I submit that the first worship in the history of our species was the worship of the sun. It was our irresistible inclination to anthropomorphize that gradually decorated our sun with attributes and traits such as ominscience and omnipotence and omnipresence and justice and wisdom and love and forbearance or in more austere capacities... the not-so-warm-and-fuzzy characteristics of vengeance and wrath and jealousy and damnation.
So while a number of skeptics dismiss any challenge to disprove God by blithely insisting it is up to the believer to provide evidence to support a positive claim, I have no such scruples. I don't have proof there is no God, but I have what I think is a reasonable theory of how belief in God developed. He is the very important orb at the center of our solar system around which our planet and several of her siblings revolve on a consistent basis. Take away several thousand years of imaginative embellishment and he has no more personality than... let's say... a mustard seed.
And here's where God came from.
Long ago when mankind was in its earliest stages and was embarrassingly dumb by modern standards, there was such a thing as ignorance. He didn't know why summer turned gradually to winter, but when it did... warmth vaporized into horrific cold. Freezing temperatures not only reduced his comfort, but also brought a recess to the growth of crops... winter chased away whatever meat he might have hunted whether lost to migration or hybernation. And he didn't know why day turned to night, but when it did his vision was debilitated until dawn. The sun meant warmth and light and growth and food and health. The absence of the sun meant shivering and darkness and weakness and hunger and sickness and death.
I submit that the first worship in the history of our species was the worship of the sun. It was our irresistible inclination to anthropomorphize that gradually decorated our sun with attributes and traits such as ominscience and omnipotence and omnipresence and justice and wisdom and love and forbearance or in more austere capacities... the not-so-warm-and-fuzzy characteristics of vengeance and wrath and jealousy and damnation.
So while a number of skeptics dismiss any challenge to disprove God by blithely insisting it is up to the believer to provide evidence to support a positive claim, I have no such scruples. I don't have proof there is no God, but I have what I think is a reasonable theory of how belief in God developed. He is the very important orb at the center of our solar system around which our planet and several of her siblings revolve on a consistent basis. Take away several thousand years of imaginative embellishment and he has no more personality than... let's say... a mustard seed.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Don't Believe it's Hype
A couple years ago while enjoying one of the Harry Potter novels at Bertonlino's Espresso Bar, a lady condescended to submit her opinion to me that I was only reading the book because of all the hype. And then again this week a coworker incredulously expressed, "Not you too" when she saw me going to break with the first volume of the Twilight series, and when I asked her to clarify her objection to my reading selection it boiled down to all the accompanying hype. In neither case had either lady read the books they were denigrating.
So here's my point and it will only take a moment as I'm not feeling particularly diatribal or haranguish. Hype may cause everyone to listen to the same music or to watch the same TV show, but when it comes to everyone reading the same books... hype can't do that so easily and I'll tell you why. It takes five minutes to listen to a song. It takes less than an hour to watch a TV episode. But when it comes to reading a book it takes about twenty hours. If you break that up into 45 minutes sessions with three sessions every two days... well it would take roughly three weeks to read a book unless you were engrossed in a "page-turner" in which case you could finish it off much sooner. But still the far greater investment of time should be obvious. Add to that the disinclination of many people to read anything at all. Maybe they're too busy or maybe too distracted or maybe too lazy, but whatever the reason, you don't have to look far before you find someone who will admit unequivocally they do not read.
In order for a book to be widely circulated and widely read, the author has to produce something irresistible. It may not be on par with Faulkner or Joyce for literary genius (thank God), but they can tell a story in such a way that the overwhelming majority of readers will be undeniably riveted. Otherwise all the marketing and hoopla and gushing critical reviews in the world will provoke about as much attention as you pay to your neighborhood philharmonic that you didn't even know exists. When it comes to successful fiction, hype is not enough.
So here's my point and it will only take a moment as I'm not feeling particularly diatribal or haranguish. Hype may cause everyone to listen to the same music or to watch the same TV show, but when it comes to everyone reading the same books... hype can't do that so easily and I'll tell you why. It takes five minutes to listen to a song. It takes less than an hour to watch a TV episode. But when it comes to reading a book it takes about twenty hours. If you break that up into 45 minutes sessions with three sessions every two days... well it would take roughly three weeks to read a book unless you were engrossed in a "page-turner" in which case you could finish it off much sooner. But still the far greater investment of time should be obvious. Add to that the disinclination of many people to read anything at all. Maybe they're too busy or maybe too distracted or maybe too lazy, but whatever the reason, you don't have to look far before you find someone who will admit unequivocally they do not read.
In order for a book to be widely circulated and widely read, the author has to produce something irresistible. It may not be on par with Faulkner or Joyce for literary genius (thank God), but they can tell a story in such a way that the overwhelming majority of readers will be undeniably riveted. Otherwise all the marketing and hoopla and gushing critical reviews in the world will provoke about as much attention as you pay to your neighborhood philharmonic that you didn't even know exists. When it comes to successful fiction, hype is not enough.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Martyrdom in the Garden of Eden
My scars have the prettiest names
The softest smiles
The sweetest lilting laughter
The loveliest dreams
Though broken and shattered
Monday, September 14, 2009
The Abomination of Nonconformity
I'm tired of the presupposition that I must be unhappy because I'm not in a relationship. I was talking to a female friend who's excited about her wedding coming up next year and I told her she's lucky to have someone with whom she can be happy because in general I don't think people really belong in relationships. Is that a crazy thing to say? Humor me for a moment and see how many couples you can think of off the top of your head whose relationships you can actually admire. I can think of about four. On the other hand I notice dozens of people cheating on each other, lying to each other, and otherwise attempting to project an impression upon the world of contentedness that I find tragically dubious. I've spent most of my life being single and yes I am always keeping an eye out for a lady that would make a good companion for me, but I seriously appreciate that I'm probably happier alone than most people who have someone. Today I spent about 19 minutes on the phone with a friend, but other than that I was completely free by which I mean that no one who knows me had any idea where I was or what I was doing... and very likely tomorrow will be the same. It may sound terrifying to be so isolated, but sometimes it's preferrable to checking in with a significant other hundreds of times each week especially the two constituents of the couple are no longer mutually fascinated.
And then I think, okay... but if two people really love each other... they would enjoy that constant link between each other of knowing what the other is doing at any given moment even with miles between them. But again... I'm not so sure I can suspend my skepticism in this matter. Of course infatuated lovers can't get enough of each other, but that stage doesn't last forever. Except for a very few lucky star-crossed sweethearts that love each other effortlessly for their whole lives. Those are so rare. I'd sure love to follow their example, but I just don't believe wishing for that kind of magic makes it come to fruition.
First how am I going to find a girl that I find irresistible when my standards are so insanely unrealistic. Briefly, she needs to be gorgeous and genius and creative and hilarious and kind and passionate about me. So how often do I run into someone like that? Okay, honestly? Never. I mean I'm probably always going to be in love with about four girls from past. I'll always be enchanted with them, but aside from them having almost completely forgotten about ever having known me... they really didn't have the first idea of what true love is about.
And secondly... even if I found her... that doesn't automatically transform me into the kind of person that can handle a relationship. I'm morose and lazy and jaded and goofy and exhausting. And I have an utterly dismal history when it comes to not being single.
But that's kind of my point. I'm probably not relationship material, but that's okay because I'm not in a relationship. I only wish more people would experiment with being single so that it could be perceived as a more acceptable approach to life instead of an unfortunate destiny to be avoideed at any expense. Why should miserable victims of societal conformity feel sorry for me because I'm alone?
And then I think, okay... but if two people really love each other... they would enjoy that constant link between each other of knowing what the other is doing at any given moment even with miles between them. But again... I'm not so sure I can suspend my skepticism in this matter. Of course infatuated lovers can't get enough of each other, but that stage doesn't last forever. Except for a very few lucky star-crossed sweethearts that love each other effortlessly for their whole lives. Those are so rare. I'd sure love to follow their example, but I just don't believe wishing for that kind of magic makes it come to fruition.
First how am I going to find a girl that I find irresistible when my standards are so insanely unrealistic. Briefly, she needs to be gorgeous and genius and creative and hilarious and kind and passionate about me. So how often do I run into someone like that? Okay, honestly? Never. I mean I'm probably always going to be in love with about four girls from past. I'll always be enchanted with them, but aside from them having almost completely forgotten about ever having known me... they really didn't have the first idea of what true love is about.
And secondly... even if I found her... that doesn't automatically transform me into the kind of person that can handle a relationship. I'm morose and lazy and jaded and goofy and exhausting. And I have an utterly dismal history when it comes to not being single.
But that's kind of my point. I'm probably not relationship material, but that's okay because I'm not in a relationship. I only wish more people would experiment with being single so that it could be perceived as a more acceptable approach to life instead of an unfortunate destiny to be avoideed at any expense. Why should miserable victims of societal conformity feel sorry for me because I'm alone?
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
FBI Most Wanted (Someone told me I'm funny)
Last night this girl got close to me and started undressing and I was like... Hey... I want to be honest with you... it's been a long time since I've done this and I'm basically nervous. She said, don't worry honey, it's like riding a bicycle. And I was like... You see what I mean? I definitely don't remember that. Do I need to do some peddling or something?
They say hindsight is 20/20. Seems to me it's when you're looking at someone's ass.
A fun thing to say on a first date with a girl is how much you enjoy getting to that point in a relationship when you're so comfortable with each other that you can enjoy silence.... when neither one of you has to be saying anything. Then when she starts to agree, go... shhh... quiet time!
I've been shopping online for an Audi. My last five girlfriends were all innies.
If I have twins... a girl and a boy, I'm naming them Cinderella and Cindefella.
Someone offered me a Werthers Original, I was like you could save money with Werther's Unoriginals. They taste the same.
I wasted a month of my life in Egypt looking for a town called Bumfuck.
Do you think kids teased Dick Van Dyke when he was a kid?
Have you ever noticed that usually when someone begins a statement by saying, "There's no question about that" they immediately proceed to answer a question about that?
I'm driving. You're in the backseat. You know where I'm going. I don't. I say, Which way do I turn? You say Left. I want to make sure so I say Left? And you say Right.
I love it when I tell someone my birthday is in January and they're like Really!! Oh my God, my sister's birthday is in January too and her boyfriend and his mother were both born in February! And his dad and I are both March babies! And my grandfather and my mother were both born in November. But my Uncle Tobias is the only one in the family that was born in August. Everyone else was born in a cold month... either Winter or Fall or way early Spring!
God forbid we be born on the same day. There are like 365 days in a year, typically... and only 6.75 billion people so the odds against two people being born on the same day... TWO people!!! It just boggles the mind... it really really does.
I fucking hate cheating. No way I would ever cheat on anyone. Most number of girlfriends I've ever had at one time is ONE! Maybe two... at the most.... okay usually two but that doesn't count because they never know about each other. And honestly even if they did it still wouldn't count because I never have any real feelings for them. Like I tell them I have feelings for them because you have to do that to get them to spread their legs, right, but it's never true... so that doesn't count, you see what I mean?
Seriously, my idea of the perfect romantic evening is me and a girl.... okay.... I haven't worked out the details yet, but I think that's a pretty good start.
Masturbating is kind of like going to church. I mean in either case I'm practicing for something that's probably never going to happen.
I have this cologne by Gucci. It's called Gucci. They're working on a fragrance for infants called Gucci Gucci Goo.
I'm writing a self help book. It's called Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and it's all Starting to Piss me Off!
I was born on the 29th day of the month and at the time my dad was 29. So 29 years later when I turned 29 on the 29th I bet $29 on a horse wearing the number 29 and you know what? It would have been cool if I'd won.
I wonder how Christmas got its name. I wonder if maybe in the Nativity ~ Mary was having a hard time during labor and if Joseph maybe tried to encourage her by saying hold on there Mary, I can see its head... it's coming... and then she said sarcastically, So's Christmas!
I prefer saying Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. That way I don't offend anyone who hasn't accepted Jesus as their savior. You and I both know they're going to hell, why rub salt in their wounds.? You know... this time tomorrow Satan will be snacking on their scrawny deep fried little heathen ass, so where do I get off alluding to like the only chance they have of avoiding the perpetual blistering incinerator of scorching white nuclear annihilation that yawns before them?
I have a bumper sticker that says WTFWJD?
I have a photogenic memory. Can't remember shit, but looks nice in a frame.
I love when I'm looking for a movie at Blockbuster and I can't find it so I ask for help and the clerk comes and looks in the same place I just fucking looked. I'm like... what are the chances that I forgot that D comes after C in the alphabet?
Not saying I'm a genius but I went to a few schools that Einstein never even heard of.
I read in a scientific journal that you can tell about a person's sexuality according to their chocolate preferences. Like if a guy is into white chocolate, he will be attracted to women with fair complexions. Or if he's into dark chocolate... darker women. Personally I love milk chocolate... uhhh so.... Lactating women I guess?
Chocolate, incidentally, influenced me to be an atheist. I said hi to my friend, Mae, one evening and she was eating chocolate and when she smiled at me I thought... would a loving God make chocolate and poop look the same? Reiminds me of that Disney Movie where Winnie the Pooh finds the Honey Bucket at the concert... not a pretty sight.
Does jelly come from a jelly bean?
When I'm drawing a blank it doesn't take long.
Sometimes I'll take two pieces of bread and put them together and eat them. It's like a sloppy joe without all the mess.
For a long time I thought I might be a superhero, but I couldn't identify my weakness. You know how Superman has his kryptonite and then I figured it out... for me it's porn.
I have three prosthetics. One on each arm and then... well I can't tell you about the other one.
Bi-polar people shouldn't bitch. You know how they go through these drastic swings up and down? Well I've been diagnosed as south polar... just one long drawn out down.
I was going to cancel cable, but really couldn't live without my Oxygen Network.
The elements irritate me... obviously C is for Cookie, but how do you get K for Potassium?
I have another bumber sticker. It says If you can read this, whoopdie freakin' do!
I think it's nice when you're all smiles, but you can't go anywhere without legs.
I tried to breed a horse with a lizard, but customs won't let you into the country with a mare~iguana.
I always thought paintballing sounded like a weird fetish...I didn't even know they were using guns.
I bought one of those books on tape, but it was a coloring book... so kind of boring.
They test me at work for drug abuse... which is dumb... everyone knows I'm nothing but kind to drugs... always giving them a place to stay when they're on the run or whatever.
I hate when a step ladder tries to take the place of your real ladder.
I think it's great when you're at work and you're sweeping the floor or shining the windows and some lady says, You can come clean my house. When is that ever realistic?
They say hindsight is 20/20. Seems to me it's when you're looking at someone's ass.
A fun thing to say on a first date with a girl is how much you enjoy getting to that point in a relationship when you're so comfortable with each other that you can enjoy silence.... when neither one of you has to be saying anything. Then when she starts to agree, go... shhh... quiet time!
I've been shopping online for an Audi. My last five girlfriends were all innies.
If I have twins... a girl and a boy, I'm naming them Cinderella and Cindefella.
Someone offered me a Werthers Original, I was like you could save money with Werther's Unoriginals. They taste the same.
I wasted a month of my life in Egypt looking for a town called Bumfuck.
Do you think kids teased Dick Van Dyke when he was a kid?
Have you ever noticed that usually when someone begins a statement by saying, "There's no question about that" they immediately proceed to answer a question about that?
I'm driving. You're in the backseat. You know where I'm going. I don't. I say, Which way do I turn? You say Left. I want to make sure so I say Left? And you say Right.
I love it when I tell someone my birthday is in January and they're like Really!! Oh my God, my sister's birthday is in January too and her boyfriend and his mother were both born in February! And his dad and I are both March babies! And my grandfather and my mother were both born in November. But my Uncle Tobias is the only one in the family that was born in August. Everyone else was born in a cold month... either Winter or Fall or way early Spring!
God forbid we be born on the same day. There are like 365 days in a year, typically... and only 6.75 billion people so the odds against two people being born on the same day... TWO people!!! It just boggles the mind... it really really does.
I fucking hate cheating. No way I would ever cheat on anyone. Most number of girlfriends I've ever had at one time is ONE! Maybe two... at the most.... okay usually two but that doesn't count because they never know about each other. And honestly even if they did it still wouldn't count because I never have any real feelings for them. Like I tell them I have feelings for them because you have to do that to get them to spread their legs, right, but it's never true... so that doesn't count, you see what I mean?
Seriously, my idea of the perfect romantic evening is me and a girl.... okay.... I haven't worked out the details yet, but I think that's a pretty good start.
Masturbating is kind of like going to church. I mean in either case I'm practicing for something that's probably never going to happen.
I have this cologne by Gucci. It's called Gucci. They're working on a fragrance for infants called Gucci Gucci Goo.
I'm writing a self help book. It's called Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and it's all Starting to Piss me Off!
I was born on the 29th day of the month and at the time my dad was 29. So 29 years later when I turned 29 on the 29th I bet $29 on a horse wearing the number 29 and you know what? It would have been cool if I'd won.
I wonder how Christmas got its name. I wonder if maybe in the Nativity ~ Mary was having a hard time during labor and if Joseph maybe tried to encourage her by saying hold on there Mary, I can see its head... it's coming... and then she said sarcastically, So's Christmas!
I prefer saying Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. That way I don't offend anyone who hasn't accepted Jesus as their savior. You and I both know they're going to hell, why rub salt in their wounds.? You know... this time tomorrow Satan will be snacking on their scrawny deep fried little heathen ass, so where do I get off alluding to like the only chance they have of avoiding the perpetual blistering incinerator of scorching white nuclear annihilation that yawns before them?
I have a bumper sticker that says WTFWJD?
I have a photogenic memory. Can't remember shit, but looks nice in a frame.
I love when I'm looking for a movie at Blockbuster and I can't find it so I ask for help and the clerk comes and looks in the same place I just fucking looked. I'm like... what are the chances that I forgot that D comes after C in the alphabet?
Not saying I'm a genius but I went to a few schools that Einstein never even heard of.
I read in a scientific journal that you can tell about a person's sexuality according to their chocolate preferences. Like if a guy is into white chocolate, he will be attracted to women with fair complexions. Or if he's into dark chocolate... darker women. Personally I love milk chocolate... uhhh so.... Lactating women I guess?
Chocolate, incidentally, influenced me to be an atheist. I said hi to my friend, Mae, one evening and she was eating chocolate and when she smiled at me I thought... would a loving God make chocolate and poop look the same? Reiminds me of that Disney Movie where Winnie the Pooh finds the Honey Bucket at the concert... not a pretty sight.
Does jelly come from a jelly bean?
When I'm drawing a blank it doesn't take long.
Sometimes I'll take two pieces of bread and put them together and eat them. It's like a sloppy joe without all the mess.
For a long time I thought I might be a superhero, but I couldn't identify my weakness. You know how Superman has his kryptonite and then I figured it out... for me it's porn.
I have three prosthetics. One on each arm and then... well I can't tell you about the other one.
Bi-polar people shouldn't bitch. You know how they go through these drastic swings up and down? Well I've been diagnosed as south polar... just one long drawn out down.
I was going to cancel cable, but really couldn't live without my Oxygen Network.
The elements irritate me... obviously C is for Cookie, but how do you get K for Potassium?
I have another bumber sticker. It says If you can read this, whoopdie freakin' do!
I think it's nice when you're all smiles, but you can't go anywhere without legs.
I tried to breed a horse with a lizard, but customs won't let you into the country with a mare~iguana.
I always thought paintballing sounded like a weird fetish...I didn't even know they were using guns.
I bought one of those books on tape, but it was a coloring book... so kind of boring.
They test me at work for drug abuse... which is dumb... everyone knows I'm nothing but kind to drugs... always giving them a place to stay when they're on the run or whatever.
I hate when a step ladder tries to take the place of your real ladder.
I think it's great when you're at work and you're sweeping the floor or shining the windows and some lady says, You can come clean my house. When is that ever realistic?
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